Love: 💖Can You Have It All?

Many men and women wish and pray for a loving relationship that will lead to marriage.  And, of course, a marriage filled with honesty, respect and long-lasting love.  But are you ready for that type of commitment? 

A few weeks ago, a co-worker, along with her fiancé, her son and his son, drove off to Las Vegas and got married.  During the ceremony, they made a commitment to God to love, cherish and obey each other in love and forevermore.  (Okay, happiness looks gorgeous on them, right?)

Few get to the matrimony part of a relationship.  Some get there but it all falls apart and divorce ensues. 

Why do men and women find it so difficult to commit to a person?  Which brings me to the question: What does love mean to you?  Dating sites have become the number one way that strangers meet.  No longer can you find a significant other in the grocery store or at the airport or even at a night club.  People just do not socialize the way they use to.  The mobile phone is now everyone’s main-squeeze.  Walk outside, anywhere – the car wash, the bank (yes, the bank – can you say annoying), even at church and all you will see when looking at someone is a bowed head, eyes glaring down at the mobile phone in their hands.  If you can’t get eye contact, how can you get to the meeting part?

Sometimes our minds are clouded with the idea of romantic love.  Could arranged marriages be the answer? 

A couple evenings ago, I was browsing my DVR recordings and found Morgan Freeman’s National Geographic Documentary “The Story of Us”.  I searched the list of recorded episodes and settled on Episode 3, The Power of Love.  Freeman interviewed a woman whose marriage was conducted over the phone. She is a Pakistani woman whose first marriage ended after a year.  She plunged herself into her career and later discovered that she often felt hollow, empty, pain and realized that something was missing.  She went back to Pakistan to spend time with her family.  Her grandmother arranged meetings with 4 or 5 men and selected one of them.  They were married over the phone; he in Pakistan, she in the UK.  A few months after the marriage, they met in Pakistan then moved back to the UK.  They have been married for 15 years and have two handsome sons.  They looked very happy and peaceful and perfect for each other. She said that she found her soulmate.  

Some may say that selfishness is one reason people are not getting together.  I’d say, become more selfish.  The adage “know thyself” says it best.  Before embarking into a relationship, know who you are.  Once you know who you are, you get closer to ready for the journey of discovering someone else.

Whether you’re a Millennial, or GenX, even Boomer, the story is the same, relationships have become a challenge.  A challenge that most, it seems, are not interested in meeting.  Our new digital generation makes it easy to shut out the “social gathering” and dwell more on the “social media.”  The number of single people has grown exponentially over the past 15 years or more. 

Nothing is perfect!

Most everyone is looking for Love.  And because love comes in various forms, one’s idea of what kind of love they’re looking for may vary.  You can desire, sexual, nurturing, platonic, or even selfless love.  Either way, the human culture seeks that primal experience which may take a while before you believe that it’s just right.  But nothing is perfect, and it seems perfection is the goal.  That is neither fair nor healthy.

I found an article in Psychology Today titled “7 Signs That You’ve Found Yourself A Loving Relationship.”  Here are the seven essential principles according to Abigail Brenner M.D.

1.    You participate in each other’s learning and growth

2.    You value and respect each other’s individuality and boundaries

3.    You encourage healthy communication and dialogue

4.    You share like or similar values

5.    You trust each other without question

6.    You share major life decisions and choices

7.    You are able to let things go and move on

Will following these rules bring peace and love?  Perhaps.  I don’t think it’s naïve to believe in love or that you can experience the passion that love can bring.  It’s your challenge to create a love experience that is healthy, honest, respectful, inclusive, joyful and loving. 

Whether arranged or meet at a social gathering, love and respect can be achieved.  Love binds people together even when love is not the primary goal on the mind.

©2018 Radiance Smith (aka Radiance Lite)